If you ever want to talk about it, let me know. My wife and I went through infertility for 12 years. Not one positive moment or memory. And then when we decided to close that chapter, a new one began. But the ramifications of being the couple without kids continue to resonate today…it will never go away…because everyone we know has kids…and we don’t. We’re at peace with it but there are things you deal with the rest of your life that are hard to foresee unless you talk to a couple who’s been through it..and still lives with it.
Thank you for sharing that and for the offer. I’d love to talk about it more, especially from a male’s perspective. I feel like men tend to get left out sometimes when it comes to support for infertility. I’m sorry you’ve had to walk this road too. Glad to hear you’re at peace but I can imagine there is pain that never goes away.
And you are correct…Men are almost completely left out of it…particularly from friends who have no idea how to talk to them about it…so they just don’t. The couple goes through it as individuals and together. And then when the journey ends, it ends with just the two of them and maybe close family. And everyone else moves on with their families and lives…and never thinks about the couple who was left behind.
Childless not by choice woman here and I just made a post about it last week and mentioned childless men and men that experience loss of a child. We often don't talk about that and want you to know that you are seen! Being the one that is left out is hard, and makes you wonder why your pain doesn't matter.
I honestly brought it up with my wife and said “I can’t do this anymore.” 12 years. No success. No positive memories. Only disappointment and heartbreak. Meanwhile everyone around us was having one kid, two kids, three kids…friends and family…I was just tired of it and we had given more time, energy and effort to it…and got nothing in return. It was time.
It’s exhausting for sure. Such an emotional rollercoaster. My brother and sister-in-law are pregnant with their second right now in the time we’ve been trying for our first. I feel like we’re the ones everyone just feels sorry for and it creates a really strange dynamic in the family. I hate it.
Emotional rollercoaster is the perfect way to describe it. And comparison/envy only makes it harder. Try your best to let those emotions go. They won’t ever serve you. Family members and friends don’t know what to say…they love and care about you but don’t know how to support you. That might be something you can do to help yourselves…tell them exactly what you do/don’t need. We got tired of people asking “Have you thought about adopting” or telling us stories of people they knew who struggled and then got pregnant…and trying to put their religious beliefs on our journey…and, btw, the question “Do you have kids?” never ends…even if you don’t end up having any. We are still asked about it and it’s an immediate conversation killer because people want to find a way to connect and for parents that’s the easiest way.
Oh the adoption question…yes, getting a lot of that at the moment. The things people say are so interesting. I know it’s just a difficult topic and people struggle with what to say so I just try to give a lot of grace.
Good for you. That’s awesome. I just remember that got really old for us. People just don’t know what to say. We had to come up with an easy way to answer the “kids” question and so I would say “It just wasn’t in the cards for us.” and that would usually end the conversation.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I too have struggled with pregnancy loss, infertility treatments and ivf for years. IVF was a wild hormonal journey for me. I did it 3 times unsuccessfully and it was heartbreaking.
Listen to your heart and know that no matter what happens you are enough.
Thank you for sharing your story. I've been through the pain of baby loss, but not the agony of infertility, it's an unimaginable heartbreak. I know words offer little comfort in either case, but I'll send you hugs regardless xx
Thanks for sharing your story. I've gone through quite a few miscarriages, and I guess in due course I'll write about them. Whatever comes will come, and if souls are ready for you, they will come. I got pregnant with twins after two years of nothing happening at all. It felt like a gift of heaven.
Keep living your life, and trust that God/Universe will find you where you need to be.
So proud of you for sharing this, Sam! I’m so sorry for your loss and the grief you carry but know your story will make a difference for so many people. Sending love ❤️
This was such a beautifully honest read. I also struggled with infertility and along the way felt like saying so many times "why is no one talking about this?" I know there are those who will read this and feel a sense of relief that someone is willing to share.
Thanks, Emily. That’s exactly why I’m talking about it. It’s hard enough to go through and then feeling like it’s taboo or you’re all alone in the battle makes it even harder. I hope my words can help people.
I felt like I was reading what my heart has been feeling for the last 7 years. Sam let me first off say that I see you and hear your words so loud. I am childless not by choice and those questions and statements that you were asked and mentioned are tough, I wish people understood how painful it is to hear things like that. For me verbalizing out loud that I will no longer try for a baby was something I never thought I would recover from. I was blessed with everything else, but being a Mum was the one thing that I really wanted. I am the girl without a child, the partner without a child, the friend without a child, the person that will never have anything to say in a room full of Mums, but the first one invited to their children's parties, and milestones. Sam your post has made my heart seen and heard. Thank you for posting this. I am actually posting for the first time how I feel about my angel girl on Wednesday. It is posts like this that make me feel like I have permission to share her outside of my heart to those that will see us both. Thank you Sam
I am so sorry you’ve known this ache too but am grateful my words were able to help you feel seen. That’s exactly why I’ve chosen to share this difficult part of my life. I feel like if I can help even one person feel less alone then my pain has purpose. I’m eager to read what you post on Wednesday. I’m glad you’re talking about it. Big hugs ❤️
Wow, Sam I am so sorry. I can only imagine the depth of your heartache. I have not experienced a miscarriage but did struggle with infertility for a long time. It really leaves you in this difficult place of resting your heart on a miracle you can't control. I actually just posted an essay about it today called, "Waiting for a Miracle." Maybe some of what I shared resonates with you too?
Will be praying for you. My son and his wife waited 8 years. They are due in late January. We just had friends that are older deliver a baby girl that they didn’t believe they’d could ever have. They had been told impossible. Miracles still happen. Thanks for sharing your heart. We have had some miscarriages as well. 🧐
If you ever want to talk about it, let me know. My wife and I went through infertility for 12 years. Not one positive moment or memory. And then when we decided to close that chapter, a new one began. But the ramifications of being the couple without kids continue to resonate today…it will never go away…because everyone we know has kids…and we don’t. We’re at peace with it but there are things you deal with the rest of your life that are hard to foresee unless you talk to a couple who’s been through it..and still lives with it.
Thank you for sharing that and for the offer. I’d love to talk about it more, especially from a male’s perspective. I feel like men tend to get left out sometimes when it comes to support for infertility. I’m sorry you’ve had to walk this road too. Glad to hear you’re at peace but I can imagine there is pain that never goes away.
Happy to talk about it more.
And you are correct…Men are almost completely left out of it…particularly from friends who have no idea how to talk to them about it…so they just don’t. The couple goes through it as individuals and together. And then when the journey ends, it ends with just the two of them and maybe close family. And everyone else moves on with their families and lives…and never thinks about the couple who was left behind.
Childless not by choice woman here and I just made a post about it last week and mentioned childless men and men that experience loss of a child. We often don't talk about that and want you to know that you are seen! Being the one that is left out is hard, and makes you wonder why your pain doesn't matter.
Thank you. My pain matters. Just not to the people I thought it would matter to.
That resonates and is so true!
How did you know when it was time to close that chapter and stop trying? Feel free to DM me if you’d rather chat about it privately.
I honestly brought it up with my wife and said “I can’t do this anymore.” 12 years. No success. No positive memories. Only disappointment and heartbreak. Meanwhile everyone around us was having one kid, two kids, three kids…friends and family…I was just tired of it and we had given more time, energy and effort to it…and got nothing in return. It was time.
It’s exhausting for sure. Such an emotional rollercoaster. My brother and sister-in-law are pregnant with their second right now in the time we’ve been trying for our first. I feel like we’re the ones everyone just feels sorry for and it creates a really strange dynamic in the family. I hate it.
Emotional rollercoaster is the perfect way to describe it. And comparison/envy only makes it harder. Try your best to let those emotions go. They won’t ever serve you. Family members and friends don’t know what to say…they love and care about you but don’t know how to support you. That might be something you can do to help yourselves…tell them exactly what you do/don’t need. We got tired of people asking “Have you thought about adopting” or telling us stories of people they knew who struggled and then got pregnant…and trying to put their religious beliefs on our journey…and, btw, the question “Do you have kids?” never ends…even if you don’t end up having any. We are still asked about it and it’s an immediate conversation killer because people want to find a way to connect and for parents that’s the easiest way.
Oh the adoption question…yes, getting a lot of that at the moment. The things people say are so interesting. I know it’s just a difficult topic and people struggle with what to say so I just try to give a lot of grace.
Good for you. That’s awesome. I just remember that got really old for us. People just don’t know what to say. We had to come up with an easy way to answer the “kids” question and so I would say “It just wasn’t in the cards for us.” and that would usually end the conversation.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I too have struggled with pregnancy loss, infertility treatments and ivf for years. IVF was a wild hormonal journey for me. I did it 3 times unsuccessfully and it was heartbreaking.
Listen to your heart and know that no matter what happens you are enough.
Thank you. I am so sorry you went through all of that and it was unsuccessful. You are a warrior. People have no idea the strength it takes. Hugs ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I've been through the pain of baby loss, but not the agony of infertility, it's an unimaginable heartbreak. I know words offer little comfort in either case, but I'll send you hugs regardless xx
I’m so sorry that you know the pain of loss. Your words and virtual hugs do provide comfort, so thank you ❤️
Thanks for sharing your story. I've gone through quite a few miscarriages, and I guess in due course I'll write about them. Whatever comes will come, and if souls are ready for you, they will come. I got pregnant with twins after two years of nothing happening at all. It felt like a gift of heaven.
Keep living your life, and trust that God/Universe will find you where you need to be.
Thank you. Twins! How wonderful. I am trying my best to trust in God’s plan for my life.
Yes, because it's not always what we think it is.
So proud of you for sharing this, Sam! I’m so sorry for your loss and the grief you carry but know your story will make a difference for so many people. Sending love ❤️
Thank you, Lee. I hope my words can make a difference for someone out there feeling alone in their battle.
This was such a beautifully honest read. I also struggled with infertility and along the way felt like saying so many times "why is no one talking about this?" I know there are those who will read this and feel a sense of relief that someone is willing to share.
Thanks, Emily. That’s exactly why I’m talking about it. It’s hard enough to go through and then feeling like it’s taboo or you’re all alone in the battle makes it even harder. I hope my words can help people.
Thank you for being so honest! Sending LOVE ❤️
Thank you!
Thank you for being so vulnerable with your journey! 🙏🏼❤️
Thanks for reading. I feel like it’s not talked about enough and that makes it harder to go through. I want to help change that.
I felt like I was reading what my heart has been feeling for the last 7 years. Sam let me first off say that I see you and hear your words so loud. I am childless not by choice and those questions and statements that you were asked and mentioned are tough, I wish people understood how painful it is to hear things like that. For me verbalizing out loud that I will no longer try for a baby was something I never thought I would recover from. I was blessed with everything else, but being a Mum was the one thing that I really wanted. I am the girl without a child, the partner without a child, the friend without a child, the person that will never have anything to say in a room full of Mums, but the first one invited to their children's parties, and milestones. Sam your post has made my heart seen and heard. Thank you for posting this. I am actually posting for the first time how I feel about my angel girl on Wednesday. It is posts like this that make me feel like I have permission to share her outside of my heart to those that will see us both. Thank you Sam
I am so sorry you’ve known this ache too but am grateful my words were able to help you feel seen. That’s exactly why I’ve chosen to share this difficult part of my life. I feel like if I can help even one person feel less alone then my pain has purpose. I’m eager to read what you post on Wednesday. I’m glad you’re talking about it. Big hugs ❤️
Hugs received and sending hugs to you as well. You have helped more than one heart that’s for sure and your pain sure does have purpose!
Wow, Sam I am so sorry. I can only imagine the depth of your heartache. I have not experienced a miscarriage but did struggle with infertility for a long time. It really leaves you in this difficult place of resting your heart on a miracle you can't control. I actually just posted an essay about it today called, "Waiting for a Miracle." Maybe some of what I shared resonates with you too?
Thank you, Courtney. I’m sorry you’ve known the struggle of infertility too. I will head over and read your piece soon. Thanks for sharing!
Will be praying for you. My son and his wife waited 8 years. They are due in late January. We just had friends that are older deliver a baby girl that they didn’t believe they’d could ever have. They had been told impossible. Miracles still happen. Thanks for sharing your heart. We have had some miscarriages as well. 🧐
Thank you for reading and for the encouragement. How wonderful for your son. I’m still holding onto hope for a miracle here too.